The Legendary Bono Rant

Spent the day monitoring anti-Bono statements on the Guardian. Not a wasted day.

ArthurCravan
May 22, 2006 02:40 PM
It seems Bonovox's dire influence has removed my rant from the blog. So, hastily creating a new identity, and mulling over the very fine points made in my absence, I insist upon venting my spleen again. Remember, this whiny shit DOES NOT PAY TAX in the Republic of Ireland - hardly a high-tax regime.

Dear Bono:
Just so everyone knows, you are a hated and despised creature in Dublin (remember that place? I think you own a few hotels there). You are hated even more because you begin every preaching session with a humble-crusader " i know you're all probably sick of a rockstar, a fool, a Dubliner, telling you what to do, but..." No, no but, you "non-political" Thatcherite post-catholic. You tiny, Tom Cruise-boot wearing, hair-dying, pompous gobdaw - you're ten times more irritating that that fellow charity neoconservative Bob "give us the fucking money" Geldof. Bono, fuck off with your 5 houses, property portfolio, clothes range, uber-expensive glasses that you wear to brunch with the latest pope, Chirac, and Bush - I hope you die to one of those interminable guitar riffs that "the Edge" has been hawking for twenty years. And just for calling Noam Chomsky "the Elvis of academia" i'm gonna pull off all your nails and mail them to brown-babies in my dreams tonight. At least "the Edge" has the wit to wear a beanie hat to cover up his baldness, Adam Clayton enough spunk to admit to being obsessed with Naomi Campbell lookalike whores, and Larry Mullin the stylists to look like an indifferent bouncer.So Bono, rot in your quasi-religious hell with Condi Rice telling you her top ten musical moments for eternity cos i've put out a bounty on you; Shane McGowan seems pretty interested.